Makin' Students Cry

Womyn's Studies Class: On Gender Politics

Objective: To provide a safe space for the ladies and young men to share their experiences in class.

Since the beginning of the class (last week), we covered the terms MISOGYNY AND OBJECTIFICATION (fully loaded terms). We analyzed music video, song lyrics, and ads. I realized many of the young ladies do not speak as much as the young men. This is of no surprise, since I find this common in all my classes. But what is interesting is that the young men are far beyond outnumbered in the class, yet still dominate the conversation in class.

Aware of this, I wanted to split the young men and ladies up for an activity. I had the young men go to one room (supervised by a male teacher) and the ladies stay with me.

The topic question for the students to discuss for the day was:

YOUNG MEN: What do you want the ladies to know or understand about you? (Can be personal &/or general).

LADIES: What do you want the young men to know or understand about you? (Particular to the general).

After all students actively wrote out their responses, I collected all the male responses and put it in one pile. I collected all the female responses and put it on another pile.

Then I set the ground rules:

"Young men, you are to take this pile anonymously written from the ladies and read each response. But as you read this, do not be on the defense. Read it with understanding and compassion. In order to do this, you must read it by trying to understand what the ladies are going through. They wrote from experience, so please honor that and be mindful of why they feel the way they do."

(Then I nominated a student whom I know will facilitate a discussion amongst his male classmates.)

"To the ladies: the same rules apply.... Be mindful of where the young men are coming from."

So I sent the young men off and the ladies stayed with me. We set up the classroom in a circle---to form more of an intimate discussion setting. (**side note: When I checked in with the males, they were all huddled by the marker board sitting on top of the desks and writing what looked like a "game plan." It was kind of cute--bc they looked all serious...But, I bring this up bc their set-up was totally different from ours..) I gave each of the ladies a response from the males and we read each one. The majority stated this:

"Not all guys are assholes. Some guys are really sweet. It's not fair that if you had a bad experience, you assume we are all like that."

We (the ladies and I), honored that.

Then something happened as we all started discussing what the males wrote... We got into our struggles as women... And we began to talk about our fears.... then all of a sudden, young ladies started to look away and cry... One STRONG WOMAN spoke up about something she experienced... and the next thing I know, half of the women were crying...Some ladies got up and ran out to the bathroom, and I was touched.

I was touched bc this young lady used her voice and for the first time spoke about her experience. I was touched bc the other ladies were crying either bc they experienced the same thing, or bc they empathized with her bc of the shared struggles we face as women.

I was touched bc this would not have happened if we did not separate the males and the females for this particular exercise. I was touched bc they finally felt safe to speak about deep issues...

I was touched bc I felt this strong sense of support for each other...And half don't even know each other..

I was touched bc that experience in class reemphasizes the importance of having a Womyn's Studies class. It reconfirms why providing a safe space for women (esp. young women in HS), to speak....

And to the young men, I heard they had a good discussion in their room. I heard some of them admitted to their faults...and were identifying (as they sorted through what each of the females wrote) the following: A) What women need/want. B)How a women should be treated.

..More on this tomorrow... I will have a follow-up discussion with them.....